Don't Believe Everything you Read: The Truth about Lying
Dispelling the Body Language Myths
If you’re familiar with my work, or you have a good knowledge of the science of nonverbal communication, then you’ll know that there are no single behaviours indicative of lying. You’ll also know that one of my common terms is, “You can never definitively say that someone is lying or not”.
Unfortunately, there are many body language ‘experts’ who seem not to understand this—and many tabloids perpetuating the myths with cheesy clickbait. As a Nonverbal Communication Specialist, working with people one-to-one, training organisations or speaking at events, I spend time dispelling these damaging myths. That’s what I’m here to do today.
Being ‘credited’ with myths surrounding body language and deception
I’m sure you can imagine my absolute horror this morning as I opened an article on the topic of lying behaviours, which ‘credited’ me to the content.
As I frantically read, I realised I’d been ‘credited’ with all the myths I work hard to dispel. My body reacted, recoiling in response to my negative emotion. Moving backwards in my seat, my head shrank into my neck and my shoulders came forward, while my arms crossed over my body and my hands covered my mouth. I yelled to my husband, “Come and look at this!”. I felt sick.
What’s more, the article I was reading was in The Sun, Britain’s biggest tabloid. This was live in my home country, where all my friends, family and ex-colleagues reside. The horror. The embarrassment!
I’m so careful to dispel the myths and share the science, that this for me feels like a credibility nightmare. Yikes.
I repeat: There are no single behaviours indicative of lying and you can never definitively say that someone is lying or not.
The Truth about the Body Language of Lying–in a Nutshell
There is no single behaviour indicative of lying, but some can get pretty close. These are nonverbal behaviours which are at odds with spoken words, like showing the facial expression of sadness while saying we are happy.
When people lie, they also attempt to conceal their emotional state, suppressing facial expression. But microexpressions, facial expressions which occur at a fraction of a second, can give the game away, leaking true emotion. However, these are difficult to spot without practice and are not always present.
Perhaps the closest nonverbal behaviour to signal a lie is a one-sided shoulder shrug, which signals a lack of confidence in the words that accompany it. A one-sided shrug is a fragment of a two-sided shoulder shrug, which conversely, signals the person has confidence in the words they speak.”
Here’s what came out in the Article
A number of nonverbal behaviours are linked to lying. Yet none of these behaviours is indicative of lying.
The Sun
“WE ARE all guilty of the occasional fib, and most of us are happy to let a little white lie go - but when it comes to our partners honesty is integral.
But how can you tell if your partner is lying to you? Well according to body language experts there are some very subtle signs to look out for. ...Leading body language experts Nick Davis and Sophie Zadeh to reveal the micro expressions and signs to watch out for when trying to tell if your partner is fibbing to you.
Here they reveal the very subtle signs that your man is up to no good…
Ear rubbing
A liar will subconsciously try to block out the sound of the lie they’re telling you; or they may rub their ear to distract you from the fact they’re breaking eye contact and look away from you when talking. Your partner may also pull or bend their eye which can also signal that they have heard enough and don’t want to continue the conversation.
Covering their nose
A key sign to look out for is if they rub the bottom of their nose very slightly, with their fingers dangling over their mouths in an attempt to cover the untruths they’re saying.
Mouth touching
Mouth touching can often be used unconsciously to suppress what the liar is saying. This gesture is sometimes disguised with a fake cough, although with Coronavirus this will be used less.
Neck rubbing
Some people may pull at their collar or rub the back of their neck when they are lying. The pulling may be because the liar experiences tingling in the neck and face when telling untruths due to sensations of heat or sweating.
Closing eyes
The final tip to tell if your partner is nothing but a fibber, is if they close their eyes or look away when they speak to you. Men will tend to rub their eyes more vigorously if the lies they tell are big, whereas women are more likely to rub under their eye and look upwards.”
These ARE NOT my words.
Put simply, this is misinformation. It’s utter nonsense.
Ear rubbing, nose rubbing, mouth touching, eye rubbing, neck rubbing and closing eyes, in no way, tell us that someone is lying.
Misinformation
Put simply, this is misinformation. It’s utter nonsense. Ear rubbing, nose rubbing, mouth touching, eye rubbing, neck rubbing and closing eyes, in no way, tell us that someone is lying.
As I read back what I’ve written, I find my hand touching my mouth, as it does, hundreds of times throughout the day, for many different reasons–when I’m with others, when I’m alone, when I’m thinking, when I’m talking, when I’m being truthful and maybe when I’m lying.
All of these behaviours (except eye closing) are, in truth, stress indicators which pacify and bring us comfort when we feel stress or discomfort. They can happen during lying and they can happen when we are telling the truth. It’s like saying we are lying when we wear blue jeans.
Most people do experience a heightened level of stress, while lying. So stress indicators can be present during deception, but not always. All these behaviours can tell us is that the person is stressed and we should take them as nothing more than that. Even when we see clusters of them.
These are very common, everyday behaviours. Look around you and you’ll see people everywhere displaying them–including yourself, while you are being honest.
Not just stress related
What’s more, these behaviours aren’t always stress related. For example, we can rub our eyes and the area around our eyes, for different reasons:
when we feel tired
when they itch
when hearing bad news
when it feels like there’s something in our eye
when we have hay-fever
Misinformation can be Damaging
What worries me, apart from having my name associated with this nonsense, is that some vulnerable people may read these articles and believe it. Especially in the case of The Sun—to quote: “how can you tell if your partner is lying to you?… Here they reveal the very subtle signs that your man is up to no good”.
Hopefully nobody will actually believe that when their man closes his eyes, or looks away, he’s lying, because every man, woman and creature with eyes does this often.
Being accused of, or accusing someone of lying can significantly damage relationships, especially when it’s based on something as trivial as common nonverbal behaviours.
Reading Body Language
If you want to understand whether somebody is being deceptive, the best chance you have is to be able to read emotional expression and to have a good understanding of nonverbal behaviour. When someone says one thing, but their expression and behaviour says another, that’s an indication that there could be an issue. Not necessarily a lie.
All we can do is read emotion and nonverbal behaviour and use what we see as a guide to change our own behaviour. That’s where the magic lies. Not in spotting behaviours, but in adapting your behaviour in response. Whether it’s a change in topic, a change in your behaviour or circling back later to dig deeper around the same point. It’s a guide, that if used well, can guide you to discover to the truth.
Hopefully I’ve dispelled the myths. I’ll now work at getting my name removed from the articles and try to restore my credibility. The world of nonverbal communication and body language is fascinating enough, without the need for myths and cheesy clickbait.
